The Real Me

by Kevin Ngo

I run a motivation site, this one, which gets thousands of visitors a day. I sometimes get emails from people who make me think they believe me to be some guru or someone who is always motivated and driven and taking action. In this post, I’d like to share with my readers who I really am.

I’m in my 30’s and make my living online. I get lazy at times. I have goals and dreams to work towards but there are times when I just don’t feel like doing anything. I have fears and insecurities about myself just like everyone else. I’m not even close to being perfect nor do I want to be. That’s just too much pressure.

Although I have a 4 year degree, I was never able to land a decent paying job. In fact, when I first launched this site at the end of 2008, I was working as a temporary customer service rep. It was a job I hated but needed at the time to pay the bills. I still owe thousands in student loans and currently rent.

I often refrain from posting certain thoughts on this site because of what others may think of me. Although I’ve never said I was successful (at least defined by society’s standards), I realize that some people think I’m more successful than I really am just because I run a motivation/self improvement website but I never bothered to say otherwise until now.

I’m naturally an introvert which is probably the opposite of what you would expect from someone who runs a site like this. I’ve always been quite shy growing up. Over the years, thanks to my background in sales and marketing shortly after graduating college, I’ve become more confident but it’s definitely something I need to improve upon. I often feel awkward in social situations that involve a bunch of people I don’t know.

I often feel inferior to some of the people I know. Many of the people I know who are around my age are way more successful. They have great paying jobs. They travel. They seem quite happy. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I’m a bit envious of them.

I’m afraid of failure. To be more precise, I’m afraid of what others would think of me if I fail. This doesn’t prevent me from chasing my dreams but it does prevent me from sharing my dreams with other people. In fact, only a couple of my friends even know I have this website.

I’m generally a happy, care-free person but I do have moments where I feel like my life isn’t going anywhere and it can get a bit depressing. Fortunately, those moments don’t last very long.

My biggest fears are not being good enough and not being loved.

The reason I decided to write this post is so my readers can get to know the real me and at the same time, throw away any misconceptions about who I am so that I can be a bit more personal and not write articles from a place of this perfect, successful person but from the perspective of someone who has dreams and fears and moments of laziness just like everyone else.

I welcome any comments or thoughts.

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Comments(75)
  1. Leahna December 9, 2011
    • Kevin December 9, 2011
  2. Leon O Griffith December 12, 2011
    • Kevin December 12, 2011
  3. Emil December 17, 2011
    • Kevin December 17, 2011
  4. Sunny December 18, 2011
    • Kevin December 18, 2011
      • Sunny December 20, 2011
        • Kevin December 20, 2011
  5. missniki December 20, 2011
    • Kevin December 20, 2011
  6. Bill December 25, 2011
    • Kevin December 25, 2011
  7. Sera Rukundo December 28, 2011
    • Kevin December 28, 2011
  8. Gin December 30, 2011
    • Kevin December 31, 2011
  9. Robin December 31, 2011
    • Kevin December 31, 2011
  10. Christiana January 1, 2012
    • Kevin January 1, 2012
  11. tanya January 4, 2012
    • Kevin January 4, 2012
  12. Rowena libres January 5, 2012
  13. akita January 8, 2012
    • Kevin January 8, 2012
  14. Vlad January 11, 2012
    • Kevin January 12, 2012
  15. Renae January 27, 2012
    • Kevin January 28, 2012
  16. Tom January 29, 2012
    • Kevin January 29, 2012
  17. guest January 30, 2012
    • Kevin January 31, 2012
  18. Jess February 1, 2012
  19. Bev February 1, 2012
    • Kevin February 1, 2012
  20. Kevin February 1, 2012
  21. nazifa February 12, 2012
    • Kevin February 15, 2012
  22. Patricia Michelle March 23, 2012
    • Kevin March 23, 2012
  23. abe March 25, 2012
    • Kevin April 6, 2012
  24. abeth March 26, 2012
    • Kevin March 26, 2012
  25. Sayed April 5, 2012
    • Kevin Ngo April 6, 2012
  26. PM @ Spiritual Bee April 10, 2012
    • Kevin Ngo June 4, 2012
  27. Caleb B. May 29, 2012
    • Kevin May 29, 2012
  28. Michael June 15, 2012
    • Kevin Ngo June 15, 2012
  29. crystal June 18, 2012
    • Kevin Ngo June 18, 2012
  30. Linda August 16, 2012
    • Kevin Ngo August 16, 2012
  31. Nadege August 21, 2012
    • Kevin Ngo August 21, 2012
  32. Frank November 4, 2012
    • Kevin Ngo November 4, 2012
  33. shelly jenkins December 13, 2012
    • Kevin Ngo December 14, 2012
  34. Nicholas Pagano January 20, 2013
    • Kevin January 20, 2013
  35. Mike Keown March 31, 2013
    • Kevin March 31, 2013
  36. Sally April 5, 2013
    • Kevin April 5, 2013
  37. Debra Smith June 17, 2013
  38. Kevin M. February 10, 2014
  39. Rachna Desai February 27, 2015
  40. NKG nair December 18, 2015

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