October 31th, 2009 by Kevin Ngo
When it comes to overcoming fear, there are a couple of things you will want to know. Fear is something that can stop us in our tracks. It’s the number one reason why most people never get to experience the life that they truly want. Be it fear of failure, fear of success, or any other type of fear, being able to figure out how to overcome it will put you in a position where you can do more and have more in your life. Let’s first examine exactly what causes fear. From there, I will give you some insights and tips on how you can overcome it.
What Is Fear?
The word fear has been described in an acronym to mean False Evidence Appearing Real. Franklin Roosevelt said, “There is nothing to fear but fear itself.” We can take this to mean that fear is actually in our mind. You see, fear isn’t some thing that you can see. It’s not something that is on the outside of your body. It’s actually created from within. In other words, we experience fear because of what we imagine to be a possible outcome.
For example, if you have a fear of flying, it’s not that you are scared of flying itself. What you are really scared of is the plane crashing. Actually, that’s not either but I’ll get into that in a bit. Most of what we fear is actually created by what we imagine in our head. This means that to overcome fear, you will need to imagine a different set of outcomes.
Let me ask you this. How many of your fears have actually come true? We are afraid of so many things but in reality, how many of those events that we try desperately to avoid actually happen when we act regardless of our fears? Overcoming fears, any type of fear, comes down to realizing that you are in control of your own fear. It’s not something out there that will hurt you. It’s what you are imagining in your mind that is causing you to be afraid.
If you have a phobia of some kind, it may take a bit more than just understanding that fear is self created to overcome it but for most people, just understanding that they are the controller of your own fears can help them to get rid of it.
How to Overcome Fear
There was a study done on patients who requested that the doctors end their life. Since doing so is seen as immoral, the doctors approached this in an interesting way. What they did was give the patients the power to end their own life by giving them access to some pills that would slowly but painlessly kill them. Instead of administering the pills, the doctors would simply place it in a drawer within reach of the patient and told them that if they really wanted to end their life, they could just take the pill.
It turned out that none of the patients took the pill. In fact, the pills were just sugar pills. The point of this study was to find out if the patients really wanted to die and if so, why? They found out that it wasn’t the fear of death that caused these patients to request the doctors to end their life; it was the fear that dying would be painful. As time went by, the patients realized that the pain was tolerable and so they decided not to take the pills.
Overcoming Fear – Flying Example
The way to overcome fear is through action. Let me explain by going back to the fear of flying example. If you have this fear or just the fear of heights, does that mean you are afraid of falling? At first glance, it would seem so wouldn’t it? However, what if you were in a plane and that actually started to fall down? Would you be afraid of the plane falling? Probably not because you would be more afraid of the plane crashing. Let’s say the plane just crashed. Are you still afraid of the plane crashing? You wouldn’t be because it had already happened.
You will mostly go from the fear of flying to the fear of pain. Now your focus is on whether the crash is going to cause you a lot of pain. Let’s say you are in pain but it’s bearable. Your fear is no longer of pain but now, it may be of dying.
What’s the point of all of this? The point is that in each stage of the example above, you “overcame fear” by experiencing it. In other words, you can overcome fear simply by doing what you fear most. Let’s take a look at a more realistic example. Sorry for the image above.
Overcoming Fear – Speaking Example
If you have a fear of speaking in public, then think about the last time you had to give a speech. Most likely, you were pretty nervous during the hours leading up to the speech. You were thinking about going up in front of an audience and that scared you. Now think about the moment right before you are going to walk up the stage. You will probably have a fear of walking up on the stage but once you do it, that fear will subside.
Your next fear is the fear of standing in front of an audience and having everyone look at you but once you are already standing up there, you fear will now be the fear of beginning your speech. Once you start talking, your fear may now be the fear of being laughed at or messing up.
As you are finishing your speech, your fear may be the fear of not getting a good response from the audience but once you are done and people applaud you, your fear of actually speaking is gone because you have already taken that action. This is how you overcome fear of public speaking.
Overcoming Fear by Taking Action
As I mentioned before, in order to overcome fear, you need to take action. As you take action, you will begin to realize that by not taking action, your fear will only grow. By prolonging action, you are only going to make the fear stronger. This is why if you’re the last one in the group to do something such as give a speech, it’s more nerve wrecking than if you had gone first or second. The longer you wait, the harder it will be.
If you are afraid to do something, the best way to overcome it is to just do it. It may not be the easiest thing to take action in the face of fear but the more you do it, the easier it will get. Remember, 99% of the time, the horrible outcomes you imagined in your mind that created that feeling of fear inside of you in the first place won’t even come true. Free yourself from this fear and start creating the life you truly deserve. Overcoming fear is something that you can get better at with practice. Life is way too short to let your self created fears rob you of a life you truly deserve. Take control.
Until next time…
Love Life. Do Good. Live Well.
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that was great insight for me. I didnt know that fear is actually a state of mind which i can alter. Someone once told me that fear is like a dark room where negatives are developed and that can by action-doing good.
Fear is something that we learn. One of the biggest fears that many people have is the fear of rejection but that's not something we are born with. I read somewhere that the only two fears that we are born with is the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises. Thanks for commenting.
so true!
I've only just discovered this blog/website today, and I have to say that I'm impressed. There is a wealth of sensible simple truth here. Well done!
Thanks for the compliment Graham. Enjoy the rest of the site.
i liked it and every word was really motivating greatly done.
Thanks Girish.
Interesting, you clearly have similar opinions about fear as Steve Pavlina. I liked the explanation, down to earth and relatable.
Really captivating – Examples of overcoming fear as you proceed and your fear tend to change with every action was exhilarating and would help to change everyone’s thought process and overcome the pre-concieved notion.
Thanks Vinay.
really great article, thanks!
INSPIRING!!!!
Hello, I have a very important test coming up next week. And, as you can guess I'm terribly scared of it. I'm scared that I won't pass the test. And although If I fail the test first time I can retake it one more time. But, If I fail it the first time, I know for a fact that my confidence will drop way more than it is now, since this is test supposed to be very elementary and very basic. I guess I'm afraid of realizing that my academic skills are in fact below the level compared to one of my age. And whether it was by choice or not not finishing school it would hurt terribly to find out the outcome of my upcoming test.
Being nervous about a test normally just means you feel that you need to study more. If you have studied all that you can and still feel nervous, realize that this is normal. There are a lot of ways to calm your mind down which you may want to look up online. Things like breathing deeply, tightening up your body and the slowly releasing the tension, listen to classical music, etc. Different things seem to work for different people so I'm not sure what will work for you. Some people perform better under pressure as well. Worse case scenario, if you fail the test, you will at least know what to study for in order to pass it on your next try.
Thank you, 'Kevin Ngo'. I'm realizing that best thing to do is keep preparing myself in every way: mentally, academically, physically. And just go for it! I shall post my test results next week. Hoping for the best, Maria.
Well, I took my test and I failed in one subject of the test and got 98% out of 100 on the other. But strangely, even tho I failed in one portion of the test I don't feel less confident or extremely upset about myself (although, I anticipated all that). My point? I overcame my fear. At least in one small aspect of my life. Baby steps can lead farther than you think, right? P.S. I'm going retake the failed portion of the test just to show myself I can pass it with a little prep. But, I'll not be pursuing the field I had to test for since I found a longer but a lot less expensive alternative route. Wish me luck! Best, Maria
That's good to hear. Yes, baby steps will lead you much further than you think if you take enough of them. Thanks for the update Maria and GOOD LUCK on the retake as well as the new route!
To get going don't wait to feel motivated,break the goal down,complete just 1% and you will then feel motivated to do more.
Good advice.
I had been dating this gal for 6 months, I never opened up or shared anything with her because I was afraid she would leave like in the last 2 relationships I had. We had a big fight (verbal) and stopped seeing each other. I loved her and tried to fix things up. I read some books and seen that this relationship probably ended for the same reason as the last 2, my not openeing up. We have been “seeing” each other for the last 18 months but now SHES the one afraid of trusting me again for fear of being hurt again. I have been opening up more and she says that Im a much better guy now than before but she is just afraid. She had a rough childhood and a physically abusive marriage before we got together. Any advice to get her to trust me….again. I know Im asking alot of her but at the same time, Im putting myself out there and taking the chance of her hurting me again.
Tom,
I'm not an expert in relationships but I do know that trust takes time. We all take the risk of getting hurt when we put ourselves out there but at the same time, holding back and being closed in a relationship will only cause the other person to do the same most of the time. Being hurt is not a pleasant experience but I believe if you don't open up, you will miss out on the possibility of having a much greater, deeper, and more loving relationship. As for her, it seems like she needs someone who she can make her feel safe and protected. Show her you are that person.
Hopefully others here can offer better advice.
As I said, the last 18 months I have opened up and she says that Im much better and she wishes I had beenlike that from the start. I think if I could get her to do the work I did, she would turn around and loose her fears as I did. The trouble is getting her to understand that.
Thanks for your sharing. It really inspires and support my soul a lot. It helps me to have more motivation to touch my dreams
Glad it helped 🙂
what is the meaning of fear? what are the ways to get rid of examination fear.
when there is so much tension what is the best alternative to reduce the tension.
Having anxiety or stressing over an exam is common. There are many ways to deal with this but for me, I dealt with it by preparing for the exam as much as I can. Before the exam, you're pretty much in control of how much you can study. Once the exam begins, it just comes down to what you can recall.
One of the things that I was taught to do if I was feeling nervous before an exam was to tense up my body as much as I can for a few seconds and then slowly release the tension. Regulating your breathing and realizing that in the whole scheme of life, the results of this one test won't make that much of an impact. Of course, these suggestions are best used if you're actually prepared for the exam. Try different things to see what works best for you. Even things like getting plenty of sleep and eating healthy foods will help as well. I hope this helps.
Thanks for this! 🙂 But I just thought that the word FEAR means false expectation appealing real. 🙂 Am not sure though.
That’s an acronym someone made up but it is true. Most of our fears are caused my us imagining outcomes that hasn’t yet happened.
Hi Kevin, you mentioned a few examples of fears such as fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of success and even more common the fear of flying and public speaking. I agree that the fear lessens with action so the more you practice then the less fearful you are. However, please explain the fear of success. Is it more a fear of becoming famous and having too much wealth? I have heard the term before but I am not sure what it really means.
This is just my interpretation but the fear of success could mean not wanting the added responsibilities and stress that comes with more success. It could also be that some people don’t feel worthy past a certain level of success so once they pass it, they feel like they don’t deserve it and tend to do things to bring everything back down to a level they feel more comfortable with.
Thanks for the clarification. Persons should remember that when they work hard to achieve a goal they should feel proud and know that they deserve the success.
On the other hand, I can understand why persons might not want the extra responsibilities and stress. If it is a situation where they did not want to accomplish that goal for fear of success, should they try to discuss it with other persons involved?
Many times, the fear of success is subconscious so it’s not always easy to detect. Sometimes, it stems from deep rooted beliefs of unworthiness or just something simple as really believing money is evil or it’s lonely at the top for example. So if that’s where it’s coming from then I guess talking about it wouldn’t hurt.
If someone is not taking action, it’s probably not because of the fear of success. I believe the fear of success is where people actually work hard, become successful, then self sabotage their success to return back to where they feel more comfortable.
I don’t think this fear is something most people have to worry about. The fear of failure is way, way more common.