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21 Things That Can Kill Your Motivation
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I also believe that comparing yourself to others will bring down your motivation
If you compare yourself to a loser, yes! But, what if you compared yourself to a Gates or a Trump or a Winfrey? What if you said, ‘I’m going to be the next JK Rowling!’ What if you saw yourself as one of the above? Motivation still going down? Have a care to make distinctions when you are making your comparisons. If you asked most of the above, they will tell you they compared themselves to someone who was where they wanted to be. Modelling what works, works! You just need to compare yourself to the most useful model. Go git it!
I don’t think most people compare themselves to people who are worse off. Comparing to someone more successful works in motivating some people but not everyone.
Hi Kevin, if you are comparing yourself to someone and that comparison is bringing down your motivation, you might be making an unhelpful comparison. It is a matter of individual preference, but whatever you want to feel motivated to do, someone, somewhere has already had experience of it. If you know what it is that you want to be motivated to do, you could use (model) that person’s experience, or the aspect of it that would be most useful to you. I guess, Kevin, if you have a clearly defined, well thought out result in mind when you model/compare yourself to someone you are more likely to lift your motivation higher. From almost the very first breathe you take as a baby you begin modelling, it is one of the most natural things in the world. Again, if you know what you want, you can find somebody who has experienced it, and model them. Or, rather, model the aspects of them you feel would be most helpful.
I think modeling is a bit different than merely comparing yourself to other people. Many people compare themselves to their friends or neighbors or just people around them. They could be happy with what they have and suddenly see someone who has more and suddenly become unhappy. For some, this may motivate them to reach for bigger goals while for others, it will only keep them unhappy as if no matter what they do or accomplish in their life, it’s never enough. This is what I meant by comparing and is something lots of people do. Plenty of people play the “keeping up with the Jones'” game.
Modeling has a different intention. You model others with the intent of improving yourself, not to keep up with them or outdo them. It’s a different mindset in my opinion.
Hi Kevin, I did state that if making a comparison with someone is bringing down your motivation, then it might be an unhelpful comparison to make. Most people, it seems to me, from my personal interactions with work colleagues, friends, family and acquaintances, have very little idea of the profoundly deep, yet subtle effect making such comparisons have on their outlook; to the point where, as you quite rightly point out, they can go from happy to sad in an instant. The power of your thoughts on how you experience life can be a source of extremely rewarding outcomes but also become a reservoir of despair; is an area that is very much underdeveloped. I agree, though, it is a different mindset. It’s just…how do you help someone to see that? Particularly when they are absolutely, positively sure they are right in their outlook.
I’m not sure, Mervyn. It depends on the person and how they got to thinking the way they do. It’d be great to just tell them, “If doing what you’re doing or thinking how you’re thinking isn’t helping, don’t do it”, but of course, it’s not always that simple for some people.
K.I.S.S. Keep It So Simple! There are, after studying some interesting research on this area, some incrediblely logical reasons why we, as a species, act in this manner. Ever heard the phase “confirmation bias”? The make up of our mind has much to do with why (and how) we do what we do. Again, in my interactions with people I know, many seem painfully unaware of how they think, and are so deeply entrenched in their particular mode of thinking, they are unable and, at times, unwilling to take on new ways of thinking and feeling, and, as a result, of being. I think part of the ‘magic wand’ solution is rapport and part is a willingness to want to change, right?
I agree, the willingness to change is definitely a critical factor, the biggest in my opinion.
This is lucit, informative and highly educative. once one can overcome these 21 obtacles, the sky would be just the beginning of their achievement profile. Thanks very much, now I feel my problems, …half solved.
Glad you like it.
Food for thought
nice thoughts man.. i am stuck with that forgetting what i planned and trying to again and again come with my new super awesome effective plan which is better than last one(i think this).. so i am now just putting down my last awesome perfect plan to move forward.. and it’s last.. thanks for this positive page…
That’s good to hear and you’re welcome!
actually my problem is that,i m unable to find out my goals..how i can find it out?how i work on them?your article surely help me. thanks for sharing such good points. hoping good response from you.
Read my article on finding your life purpose. I think it will help.
Dear prachi,
I recommend you to read this book, “seven habits of highly effective people” by Stephen r Covey. I was going through the same phase and i start researching about it and finally after so much research over internet and listening to many motivational speakers, i came to conclusion it very easy to Find your self and set goals for yourself.
These are some tips which may help you, set your goals with your roles
Roles Goals
1. As a son
2. As a Husband
3. As a school teacher
4. As a friend
5. As a leader
6. As a Employee
7. As a Father
8.As a human being
First identify the roles you are doing in your life and set goal for each role. Work on your goal and once achieved goal than set another goal for that role.
to make a goals which motivates you goal should be SMART.
Specific
Measurable
Achievable
Relevant
Time bounded
These are some tips may this help you in setting goals
regards , Usama awais
The one that relates to me the most is #16… I love many many things of my job, but I hate the actual activities that it requires of me !
I really liked this article! 🙂
I’m glad you liked it and thanks for the comment. 🙂
This is an excellent article…..
Thanks!
Thank you for a great article Kevin. These points are really accurate and i can truly relate. I will definitely share the article.
Thanks Mai. I appreciate the share. 🙂
Great article! I can relate to #13 and I totally agree with you that one must focus only in one goal at a time. But the next challenge is figuring out which goal to choose. How do you rank goals? What are the factors that one has to consider in choosing a goal to prioritize?
Thanks Ayl! In choosing one goal, I’d either pick the one that would make the biggest difference in my life or the one that would excite me the most.
Kevin, you have helped me a lot!!!! Thanks.
You’re welcome!
Thank you Kevin, useful info indeed.
Thanks, Marcela.
Thank you for the very useful points
You’re welcome 🙂
Thanks for the inspiring article.
No problem. Thanks for taking the time to read it.
I really love your articles and thank you very much
You’re welcome
It is a really helpful article.
I definitely agree with low energy its no good setting up a great plan and preparing yourself only to let yourself down with poor nourishment to keep your batteries depleted. I find myself more motivated when i make sure i eat breakfast then the day just seems to go smoother and my day goes perfectly.
I found out from the article what to do and how to get to the top. I like it.
Good to hear!
im motivated now
🙂
i think every person shuld read this article
Distructions is my bigest problem here, and luck of enough support. But thanks very much for those articles.
I enjoy reading and I will share with my friends,thanks
This is very good article & useful to build motivation.
Hi Kevin,
Your article is of great help. Everything in here are very informative and realistic. Will be looking forward to more of your articles. God bless.
Do not allow the word competition shake your faith in the supremacy of righteousness.
Well done again, Kevin. All 21 things are so true and applies to various areas of our lives and affect us at various times in our lives. There are always obstacles to face but having a list of them makes it easier to identify them when we see them. Then we can take the necessary steps to overcome them. The quotes are very useful too because they add emphasis especially the one from Robert H. Schuller.
I noticed that each of your points have questions or activities that we need to complete to help us overcome the problem. I plan to revise or extend or create a new SMART goals template that uses the lessons from this article and my previous successes. Some goals are going well but others need revision.
The lessons learnt so far are: create goals you love, focus on just a few goals at a time, break big goals into small manageable steps, reward each stage completed, get support from others, prepare a list to tackle excuses, keep motivated, think positive thoughts, find what works and keep improving on it.
Thanks, Kevin.
Thanks again, Tammy and good summary of the article. To add to that, if a few goals are too much, just stick with one. Sometimes getting support from friends/family might not work so in those cases, look elsewhere.
The list of excuses have always helped me and I use it almost every time I set a long term goal. One thing I sometimes do beyond just coming up with solutions to excuses is to rehearse the situation in my mind where the excuses come up and how I will react.
A new SMART goals template? It’ll be interesting to see what you come up with.
I have been using a typical SMART goals document but with your information I need to make some good changes. I will let you know when I am finished (it will take some time though).
For no.6, the energy to bounce out of bed each day also comes from looking forward to doing tasks we love and knowing that each day gets us closer to realizing our goals. Furthermore, eating right and exercise are great tips. However, I think most of us drag ourselves out of bed because our tasks are repetitive, boring or not challenging or only going towards getting the bills paid and not towards any goal in particular.
Your articles suggest changing our situation for e.g. searching for new jobs, new working environments or new home communities but that can take a while and during that time people can’t seem to muster the energy without coffee, tea, comics page in the newspaper etc. I also think that most people have so many tasks doing and are unable to delegate the tasks to others so they don’t get enough sleep. Do you have any other suggestions for us getting that energy at the start of each day? A few examples would be great.
For energy, a good diet and exercise is crucial. This isn’t always easy to keep up though. With time constraints, sometimes it’s too easy to eat readily available, unhealthy foods, which is why fast food chains are so popular. For those having a challenge with their diet, I recommend taking out the time to plan and even prepare their meals in advance. Eat 5-6 small meals rather than 2-3 big ones. This isn’t always easy with a busy full time job so perhaps looking into intermittent fasting would be a better solution.
As for exercise, something is better than nothing. If 45 minutes isn’t possible, do 15. Everyone has 15 minutes a day. If running on the treadmill is boring, find some other activity. Also, drink PLENTY of water.
As for changing our situation, before I launched this site, I was working at a job I really hated but I still looked forward to each day because I was working on changing my situation at the same time. I wrote an article about dealing with a life sucking job a few years ago:
How to Deal with a Job You Hate
Getting enough sleep is very important. If someone has a job where they’re so busy that it cuts into their sleep time over long periods of time, something’s gotta change. The mind and body can only go for so long like that before it starts breaking down.
I think for most people though, cutting down on idle activities like watching TV or surfing the web is the solution to lack of time for sleep. I know people who work 12 hours a day and still get 8 hours of sleep a night. Now if one were really that busy where it cuts into their sleep time for long periods of time, it might be time to weigh the value of money vs health.
Thanks Kevin, the job topic is usually the hot topic for most people. However, I think the challenge is to get people to realize the situation they are in because sometimes they do not even notice. Or to remind them to take courses to expand their skills. I would suggest persons search for free courses online for e.g. OpenLearn. I found them very useful.
Yes, TV does seem to eat away the time so we could focus on using that time for a hobby or learning something new. Or even better using TV time to do exercise since some persons said that they exercised and watched TV at the same time.
I don’t have a TV but I do watch videos online, mainly documentaries but you’re definitely right, if one must watch TV, do something while watching TV or better yet, use that time to learn a skill as you said. The average American watches about 4 hours of TV a day. Imagine what sort of skills they could’ve learned if they had spent that time differently. Mindless TV is fine if kept under control. I find that if I have a project/hobby/skill to work on, I waste a lot less time than if I didn’t have anything of interest to work on.
I did some more reflection on the items you mentioned above. I also decided to observe persons around me. If some persons do not have a goal then they just tend to just spend time doing stuff that does not improve their lives.
For e.g. they go to work, but are not concerned about improving their performance or even searching for a career that really motivates them. They just do the job just for the pay. Then they go home watch TV, they don’t focus on any particular channel to learn something from. They hang out with friends etc. However, their finances are bad so they complain everyday but are not doing anything to change it.
What would motivate these persons to actually make goals? How would you get them to realize they have so much more to offer the world?
One big reason for what you’re describing in my opinion is comfort. At the last job I worked at, I had coworkers who started the same job as a temp. They weren’t planning on being there for long when they first started but fast forward almost a decade and they were still there. They weren’t exactly happy (frequent complaining about the job) but at the same time, they didn’t hate the job enough to actually do anything about their situation. Once you get used to the job, make friends, have a routine going, it’s often tough/scary to leave all of that in pursuit of something better.
Another big obstacle from my experience is rationalization. They might not be happy with their job but they will rationalize thinking things such as it’s a stable job and at least they have a job and are better off than people who are unemployed.
As for your question, that’s a tough one. Some people can become motivated by seeing someone else’s success. Others become motivated after hitting rock bottom. In my opinion, being comfortable is the worse place to be in terms of motivation. I believe that wanting to stay in that comfort zone comes down to fear. When we get inspired by someone’s success, we believe that it’s possible for us as well so we have the courage to make the necessary changes. On the other end, if we’ve hit rock bottom, we might find that we no longer fear failure, change, or the unknown because we feel like we have nothing to lose anyway.
I think the answer lies in getting them to either associate pleasure to doing more with their life or associate pain to staying where they are. Either way, the first step is for them to actually want to change and from my experience, for many people, the best you can do for them is to work on improving yourself and hope that your success will inspire them and make them realize they have much more potential than what they’ve been displaying. Just be aware that some people might actually despise you or even try to pull you down as you improve your life so they don’t feel as badly about their own life.
Dear Kevin ji,
I like your articles very Much. I work in an agrochemical co. in India. Your articles motivated me so much that I translated a few in Hindi and e-mailed my team of sales and Marketing of North India in form of Power point Presentation in PDF format with your website address at the end of Power point Presentation.Currently I am in process of making a website of my own which will be in Hindi. Kevin Ji, I believe that personality development if coupled with spirituality lived life can create better repercussion.My website shall have comparision of same meaning verses from all religion of world.
Kevin Ji, I would like to insert some of your hindi translated articles in my yet to come website, ofcourse with Due courtsey to you and your URL address on it. Kindly give your content if not having any objection.
Regards,
Arvinder Singh
Delhi
Hi Arvinder,
That sounds fine to me.